The First Cut is the Deepest

As you can probably guess from the title, this post is going to be about self-harm.  But, I’m sure you are wondering whether I self-harm or did in the past, and I must admit I never have.  (The only thing I’ve done to, I guess “abuse” myself is pull out my eyelashes and ends of  my eyebrows.  I didn’t do this because I thought I was ugly; I did it just to do it.  It was an addiction, but that fixation only lasted for 7th and 8th grades.  I stopped when my family members began noticing.)  So, I guess, you can say, I haven’t really traveled much in the shoes of those who are partakers of self-harm.  But, as a fellow human being, I just want to let you know, I have felt the feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, and emptiness. Sometimes, I feel as if even my own family hates me.  Honestly, I have cried more in this last year than I cried in the past 5 years.  I know, I’m a wreck.  But, how I got onto to this subject is because I saw a picture on pinterest about self-harm, and also recently just heard the story of a high school acquaintance/friend who has cut herself.  I looked at more pictures on Pinterest and was reading quotes and looking at the scars, not to laugh, scoff, mock, or condescendingly assert, “I’ve never been that bad” because I am ashamed to say I have done so much worse.  I have my own secrets that I am deeply embarrassed and ashamed of.  Anyways, I looked at those pictures to get a sense and feeling of what people who are trapped  in self-harm truly are going through.

After a few minutes, I couldn’t handle it anymore when I saw pictures of bloody wounds. Scars are one thing, but the sight of blood sends chills down my back. My eyes brimmed with tears because quite honestly I could easily have been that person. Again, I am not saying this haughtily, but I am tearfully asserting that it is only by God’s grace that I have not been there myself.  I understand why people cut themselves; physical pain and cuts can heal faster than deep-seated emotional wounds. But, I honestly want to go out and find every single girl and boy who is about ready to put a bullet through her/his brain or slash her/his wrist or other body part, and go hug and cry with them and love on them.  I’ve been there with those lonely feelings.  That’s the extent I have to speak on this topic.  And, honestly, I don’t like discussing this, because of blood and the hurt of the past that has to be remembered.

It hurts me deeply because it makes me realize that I’m not the only one who has to go through the emotional pain.  It may be the result of a breakup, a divorce in the family, a death in the family, loneliness, lack of friends, bullying, negative self-talk, or something I have no idea about.  But, I want to say that I’ve had one of those lonely, heart-wrenching nights, pleading to God to hear me and comfort me and lead me to friends, wondering if He even hears me.

Friends, let me say that I only have a limited knowledge of self-harm and emotional pain.  Again, I can only give thanks to God for that, for not letting me go further.  But, also let me say that Jesus Christ Himself has scars.  No, they aren’t from self-harm, but He has scars, nonetheless.  And, trust me, He knows what it is like to be completely, utterly rejected by friends, society, and even His own family.  God disowned Him because of the weight of sin He took on.  Can you imagine having not only no human support but even no divine support?  Not only did His sides and hands or wrists get partially impaled, but He totally stopped living.  He died.  He was bleeding, rejected, tormented, and on top of that, life went out of Him.  I think we can genuinely say He has been in our shoes. Not only can He relate to us in this way, but He is the God of the Universe. He knows what we are going through.  He knew that in 2014 each of us would struggle with something that is daunting.  But, just as Jesus rose from the dead, and conquered death, sin, and Satan, He can help each of us conquer what we are going through.  There is power in the bloody wounds of Jesus and by His stripes we are healed, so we don’t have to live chained to despair, self-harm, hatred, or any other sinful actions and emotions.

Now, I’m not going to say we will never struggle again, because we will.  We will until we receive new bodies in heaven.  But, we don’t have to carry our struggles alone. Give them to the One who was rejected, despised, and scarred.  He does know what we’re going through.